Recently, I got invited to a bachelorette party. It was a last-minute invite, because I had been overseas and wasn’t sure that I could even attend the wedding. But, with my confirmation of attendance to the wedding came the invitation for the Bachelorette party, including instructions from the maid of honor who was organizing the party.
The more I realize my own feminine, the more I feel flattered by an invitation to these kinds of events for women.
I have experienced two bachelorette parties in the past. Both of them started in a restaurant, where all of us got the chance to meet each other and catch up. Each time the maid of honor prepared some entertaining games or activities according to the bride’s style or wishes. After having some relaxed drinks, we went out to dance in a club. During these parties I truly realized that for some reason, I do not find dancing in a club my kind of feminine anymore.
Although in the last century we have had to fight for equal rights, a plight that has made us tougher, I feel most feminine when embodying the softness and mildness of womanhood. When you say dancing, I imagine women sensually waving around a fire in a safe circle, accompanied by other women. This picture is more pleasing for me than a noisy dance floor where instead of graceful movements, the air is ripe with the greedy looks of men. Needless to say that these men often partake in liquid courage: alcohol. And act upon it. In my point of view, this atmosphere doesn’t suit the celebration of femininity, but degrades women to objects.
Because of this, I imagine a bachelorette party differently. I am a woman of action, so I decided to prepare a surprise for the unsuspecting bride. The celebration was a small glimpse of how I like to prepare a woman for a wedding.
The ritual was similar to mine, and my friend helped me prepare it. The ritual:
First we put down some blankets in the park and laid flowers in the middle. In the circle around the flowers we put some objects like essential oils, a small fairy statue, natural lotion, a candle, rose quartz, and a yoni egg. In the inner circle we placed a small, healthy snack.
Welcome and purpose.
When we were seated in the circle, I spoke about the purpose of the ritual. My intention was to prepare a safe space for our future bride, where she could openly share all her worries and joys about the upcoming wedding, and all the changes that come with it. I wished for the empowering energy of the women present and for all of us to express support and love to our future bride. On a piece of paper I asked her write her maiden name (In the Czech Republic it is traditional to change your surname).
- After this step we officially started the ritual, wherein the four elements guided us. The objects you have in your circle should represent the four elements. You can use a stone or rose quartz as earth, water in a glass, a fan for wind, and a candle for fire. To begin the ritual, we shared what the word ‘marriage’ represents for us. It is nice to let the bride speak last on this point.
4. The element of air.
The next part of the ritual was for remembering all women in our respective bloodlines. Every woman can share their thoughts or memories. What role models do we have in our bloodlines? Our mothers? What about our grandmothers? Are there some behaviors, that I don’t like in my bloodline? Any illnesses? At this time in the ritual comes the opportunity to realize the answers to these questions, speak about them, and let them go if necessary. The bride can also make a wish if she feels it is necessary, something like, “Thank you mom, but I am not taking this role/ feeling/illness from you. Thank you for the gift of life.” It is important that we say goodbye with feelings of gratitude and balance.
5. The element of fire.
The bride now has the opportunity to burn her fears and worries about the marriage. The women in the circle help make the atmosphere communal by sharing their own worries and how they overcame them. Married or single, everyone’s view for this situation is beneficial. We encourage each other and feel gratitude for the realization that having fear is ok and not a weakness.
6. The element of water.
We pass the glass of water around and everyone present says or whispers a wish for the bride about her marriage. After, the bride can symbolically drink a little of the water full of wishes. You can also just return it to the previous place in the circle if she prefers not to drink it.
7. Finally, the element of earth.
The earth is also represented by our bodies. With the approval of our bride, we can hug her, do her hair, spread hand cream on her hands, or any kind of caress that she’s comfortable with. Our wish for her is to feel beautiful and cherished. I must say, that this part of the ritual touched me the most. To hug a friend is quite common for me, but these kinds of loving caresses aren’t so common. It is clear how the bride in this ritual was melting with our care, and began to shine.
8. We finished the ritual by thanking all the elements that were present for us, and thanking all the women who helped the ritual become reality. In this moment the bride can also burn the paper with her maiden name. If she is not ready to let it go, she can do it later on her own. We can also give the bride some small gifts that will help her with the transition. And now is the time to feast and enjoy the snacks!
This ritual can be short or long, depending on the time you have.
You can make it longer by spending more time in the past with the elements of air and fire, and clearing all the bad experiences and emotions to make space for a new chapter. Imagination has no limits, and by searching on the internet you will find other sources of inspiration. There is no such thing as a right or wrong way to do the ritual. The only important thing is to have a positive purpose and lead the ritual in a way that all the women present feel loved and supported in the end.
Was this article interesting for you? What was your bachelorette party like, or what would you change about your own ritual? What is your dream bachelorette party? I believe it is never too late to invite your friends for other rituals like this. Have a fire near a cabin, dance around.
In another words, if you want to make your friendship deeper, organize some women circles or attend some; it is never too late to start.
With respect to all women,
Translation with the help of Ellie Farrier